


Playing Along

by Gilded_Pleasure



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alien Gender/Sexuality, And I Will Never Ever Stop, F/F, Fluid Sexuality, Gem Fusion, Gems Failing To Understand Human Everything, Hard SF Elements, I Write Weird Crap, Mild Sexual Content, POV Nonhuman, Sexual Themes, This is Smoky Quartz 1.0 TO DISAMBIGUATE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 12:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20582369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilded_Pleasure/pseuds/Gilded_Pleasure
Summary: Rose has always made a habit of taking human lovers, and those lovers have always had a habit of leaving sooner or later. Rose doesn’t blame them. She knows something’s wrong with her, she just wished she knew what it was.Amethyst thinks the way humans play is pretty funny, but she doesn’t really get the point. She knows that the organic creatures of earth are alive, but not in the same way she is. It's like they all feel something that she doesn't, and she wished she knew what it was.





	Playing Along

Amethyst perched casually on the stone outcropping jutting out near the roof of the cavern, eating unpeeled raw chestnuts she’d appropriated from the gifts the human had brought. The stash of supple furs, buttery leather, and flexible handmade baskets stuffed with dried fruits, nuts, and other long-lasting supplies had actually been a gift to Rose, in exchange for healing services rendered at some point in the past.

But since Rose and the human were currently grappling sweatily on some of the gifted furs laid out carefully on the stone floor, Amethyst figured Rose wasn’t using them right now anyway, and helped herself.

It really wasn’t very large as far as caves went, and Amethyst had a pretty good view of everything that was happening down there. The human looked the same way humans always did when they played that particular game, pushing their bodies together and pretending to eat each other. Amethyst had seen it plenty of times and even tried it herself; although it was fun and silly, and usually made her laugh, she didn’t really see why they did it so much.

She hadn’t really thought about any of the other gems playing that game, but Amethyst supposed if any of them _would_ it would be Rose Quartz, who would try just about anything she saw humans doing.

It gave Amethyst a sense of accomplishment to see that she’d finally figured something out on her own, and that someone she admired as much as Rose would approve. But what was more interesting was watching Rose’s face change.

At first she looked like she was trying to pick up something really heavy, but Amethyst had seen Rose lift (and throw) giant rocks that weighed a hundred times what the human did. Then she looked like she had discovered something very exciting, and Amethyst looked up at the ceiling to check if maybe that something was up there, but she couldn’t see anything. She squinted down at them, trying to figure out if she was missing something, but otherwise it seemed pretty normal.

After a little while, Rose and the human started talking, but not about whatever just happened. It sounded like the human wanted Rose to go somewhere, or give her something. Amethyst stopped listening and waited for the human to leave, which she did eventually although she seemed upset about it.

Rose sat there for another minute, then picked up one of the furs, admiring its flexibility and sheen, and started humming to herself. She pulled one of the baskets over to her and looked inside, pulled out a strip of dried meat and sniffed at it, put it back and picked up one of the few chestnuts still rattling around in the compartment.

“Hey, Rose,” Amethyst called down. “You gonna eat that?”

Rose glanced up at her and chortled. “It looks like you already beat me to most of them,” she replied gaily.

Amethyst leaped down to the floor of the cave and looked into the basket, then back at Rose. “You weren’t using them,” she retorted. Then her curiosity took over, and she blurted impulsively, “what was that human doing to you?”

Rose actually blushed a little, then asked, “You haven’t seen humans have sex before?”

Amethyst puffed out her chest a little. “Of course I have! I even tried it myself, but...” she trailed off, not sure what she was trying to say. The last thing she wanted was to look stupid in front of Rose. “I didn’t know you did it, too,” she said instead. An alarming thought occurred to her.

“Wait, do Pearl and Garnet do that with humans?”

Rose threw back her head and laughed.

“With humans? Pearl said she’d rather eat a piece of a dead deer!” she chuckled, wiping a tear from her eye. “Garnet’s not the type, but...” she stopped, thoughtful for a second. “I don’t know about Ruby and Sapphire, but it doesn’t really seem like something I should ask her. It is something humans do when they want to feel really close, or even love each other, though, so maybe...they do it together? It’s not like fusion, so maybe she doesn’t care after all. You never know what kind of human things Garnet will like, and what she won’t. Isn’t it funny?”

She shrugged, seeming unconcerned, but Amethyst’s mind was reeling.

“Why would two gems do that? With each other?”

“You know, _Pearl_ asked me the same thing once,” Rose replied, then got a terribly wicked, yet somehow _pleased_ look on her face. She didn’t elaborate, but Amethyst was starting to feel a lot less sure that they were talking about the same thing. She scrubbed her hands through her hair with frustration.

“So they...you...just make your body look like a human, and you can push at their body and poke bits of yourself in them while you pretend to eat each other? Why? So you can make that stupid face you were making?”

Amethyst suddenly realized she was angry, so she picked up one of the chestnuts and threw it at the wall as hard as she could. It broke into little shards that fell, but some of the insides stuck there.

All she ever wanted to do was impress Rose, to make Rose think she was interesting, and fun, and knew things. And it always turned out she actually didn’t know _anything_.

She almost wished the gems had just left her there in the kindergarten forever, knowing nothing and never caring, so she would never have to find out that she was so stupid.

Almost, she wished it.

A huge thumb gently wiped away a tear that Amethyst hadn’t even known was trailing down her cheek.

“It’s okay, Amethyst,” Rose said quietly. “Do you think I knew anything about the Earth when...at first?”

Amethyst gaped up at her. She kinda just figured Rose Quartz had always known literally everything, but it made sense that once she was probably a lot like Amethyst. They’re both Quartzes, after all, and that’s partly why Amethyst follows Rose around and watches her all the time. This is how she’s supposed to be, right?

She’d never thought about it the other way. Of course Amethyst wants to be like Rose, but in some ways…it’s possible Rose is also like Amethyst. She’d had to learn things, had to figure out who she was for herself.

Or maybe…

Amethyst looked up at Rose, who had that expression on her face like she knows exactly what Amethyst’s thinking.

Maybe Rose was _still_ trying to figure it out.

The idea was both soothing and a little scary at the same time.

“I was just like all the other… gems around me at first,” Rose informs her gently. “I thought the only use for this place was to chop it up, hollow it out, and get as much as we could out of it before we used it all up.”

Amethyst sat down to listen, and Rose took a seat next to her on the furs before continuing.

“It was only after a long time, and thinking about it a lot that I realized...all these things around us? They’re _alive_,” she whispered reverently.

“Just like me and you.” Rose smiled, and Amethyst copied her.

“But they’re also not like me and you, even though sometimes it seems that way. They’re different in ways we can’t always see. Well, we can’t see them while they’re alive, anyways,” she added musingly.

“I see dead stuff all the time!” Amethyst crowed. “There’s a dead crow right out there.” She pointed towards the tall, thin opening to the cavern.

Rose thought for a second, then reached out to place her fingers gently on Amethyst’s gem.

“This is you,” she said.

Amethyst blushed a little, and ventured, “Yeah? I don’t see where you’re-” Rose reach out both her hands and cupped Amethyst’s face in them, and then she blushed a lot.

“This is also you,” Rose added. Her hands dropped gently to Amethyst’s shoulders and ran down her arms, and she took one of Amethyst’s hands into both her larger ones.

“We make our forms so that we can see things, and hear things, and touch things, and smell things, and walk around, and talk to each other, and defend ourselves. When they get damaged, when we _lose_ our forms…” A look of pain crossed Rose’s face, and she stared unfocused at the featureless wall of the cave, “…we’re helpless. More than that, we’re totally-” a shadow crossed Rose’s brow, “-alone. That’s why we want our forms so badly, it’s why we feel that _urge_ so strongly. That’s what keeps us alive.”

Rose’s face grew grim.

“Even if we’re corrupted, even if we’re-” she squeezed Amethyst’s hand. “Even if we’re _shattered_, we still feel that need, and we still...try.”

Amethyst shut her mouth with a click, and put her other hand of top of Rose’s. Not only did she already know all this stuff, she didn’t like thinking about how it felt to lose her form, how it seemed as though time didn’t pass, and nothing changed, and no one was with her until she regenerated. It was a lot like the time before the gems found her. It didn’t hurt, but… She wondered why Rose was talking to her about it now, and didn’t see what it had anything to do with the rest of it. But she wanted more than anything for Rose to keep talking with her like this, just the two of them. Like she was important, and Rose cared what she said, and what she thought about.

“Have _you_ ever lost your form?” Amethyst asked hesitantly.

“Of course,” Rose smiled kindly. “It happens to everyone. But as long as our gems are kept safe, we can make a new form after a while, and we can interact with our environment and be with each other again. Have you ever thought about why and how our forms are _able_ to do that? How, when we fuse, we can feel everything together at the same time?”

Amethyst started at Rose blankly. She had literally never thought about it.

Rose grinned, and pulled their hands toward her chest excitedly.

“Humans feel that kind of urge all the time, except about the things _they_ need to stay alive, and to be together, and to make more humans!”

“Whaaaaaaat?” Amethyst replied in a high pitched voice.

“I know! fascinating, isn’t it?” Rose’s eyes glittered with enthusiasm, then she rolled them.

“You wouldn’t believe how long it took me to figure it out, because all of those feelings are _different_! And humans need so many different things. But somehow they’re the same too; they’re all about staying alive, and being together. Because gems want to stay alive and be together too, if we change our forms just a little, _we_ can feel like that if we want to!”

Amethyst was too confused to remember to pretend to know things. “But I change to look like a human all the time,” Amethyst protested, “and I don’t feel any different.”

“It’s not about changing how you look,” Rose explained. “It has to do with repurposing a few ways that your form is able to let you process sensory stimuli and make...” she trailed off when she saw Amethyst’s blank incomprehension. Then, surprisingly, she stood up. Amethyst went with her, seeing as their hands were still joined.

“What if I just show you?” Rose asked with a grin.

“You mean…?” Amethyst looked up hopefully.

“Fuse with me.” Rose smiled invitingly.

“Waaa-HOOO!” Amethyst yelled as she released Rose’s hands in preparation, all her doubts and inadequacies shoved out of her head at the possibility of fusing, and with Rose especially. Every time was interesting, and special, and sometimes she learned a whole lot about herself, or about Rose, or even how to do something new since she _was_ someone new. Rose had taught her to eat food (and how to get rid of it later) that way. But even better was how big and strong and not-alone she felt.

“We’re gonna get huuuuge,” she added, already striking a pose to begin their dance.

“You’re perfect, Amethyst.” Rose laughed delightedly, hips already swaying. Amethyst felt like her elation upon hearing that exploded in her chest as her gem started to glow. She eyeballed Rose’s movements, tongue stuck out in concentration, then smiled as she matched the rhythm Rose was setting. She held in her mind not only their shared goals of coming together and communicating but how their relationship felt, what it meant to her, and how Rose always made her feel. She and Rose circled each other, feet stepping closer until they were nearly entwined, and then they joined hands as Rose picked her up and clasped her close; Amethyst clung to her neck as she felt herself

_coming apart/opening/entering/becoming_

and Smoky Quartz scratched the back of her head with a giggle. The cave really wasn’t all that big, and she sat down with a plop to stop feeling like she might bump her head. Then her eyes fell on the baskets of preserved food.

She wondered how would it feel to eat something if she actually felt _hungry_ first. Would it feel different? Taste better?

Sometimes Smoky Quartz knew how to do a few things Amethyst didn’t, but she smiled because Amethyst would remember how to do those things later. She closed her eyes and concentrated; shapeshifting came a _lot_ more easily to Smoky Quartz than it did to Rose. It was one of _Rose’s_ favorite things about being Smoky Quartz.

Smoky didn’t really have to think about synaptic pathways and equivalent neurotransmitters or anything else. She just felt a _need_ happening, wrapping itself around her cores and plugging into an urge that was already there: to seek sensory experiences and process them.

Smoky’s eyes snapped open and she grabbed one of the baskets, popping the whole thing into her enormous mouth and chewing. Her nostrils flared as pleasure coursed through her; she wasn’t just documenting the information. She felt...satisfied. Her long, pinkish-beige curls bounced as she reached out to repeat the experiment; then again with the last basket. Then they were gone, and she felt a little sad about that. Needing something, or at least feeling like she did, and then getting it? That had been amazing, but over far too quickly.

But there were other things should could need, weren’t there?

Smoky closed her eyes and concentrated again; her gem glowed as new connections came into being and traced their way through her form as her body changed. She opened her eyes, but she didn’t really feel any different. Had she done it wrong again? She thought this was supposed to feel like needing togetherness, but she was already…together. Should they separate? Maybe it only happened when they were unfused, and doing the things that Rose Quartz had been doing the with the human when Amethyst had---

A strange and terrible pang went through Smoky at the thought, and her face and chest burned with it.

Oh.

She licked her lips, then scooted over until she was leaning up against the wall of the cavern, and braced herself against its stony coolness. She’d never felt anything like it, but Rose knew what it was. _This is the difference between looking like something and _feeling_ like something_, she thought to herself. She closed her eyes and pictured it again. She realized she didn’t just see it; she could remember doing it. Bodies and mouths pressed together; tasting, touching, smelling, and feeling… she covered her face with a moan.

_I don’t know if I like this. It doesn’t exactly _ hurt _, but...._

She remembered then that the needing was only the first part, and she realized she could probably do something about it. She touched her mouth, hesitantly, testing the connections she knew would respond. It was like hunger. A little. Different, both less and more. She put her fingers in her mouth, sucked them absently. Bit at them; even that felt different when she was… like this. Another hand reached to pull aside her garments; a third quested forth toward what was under them now, and the sensations were… umm. There was moisture, there was--something that almost felt like bolt of lightning made her jump.

She tried it again, and the sensation warmed and spread out from its source; she mimicked motions she half-remembered, half-invented, and her body started to feel somehow tense. She slowly leaned forward away from the wall, breathing heavily, until her forehead touched the furs and she was kneeling, fingers in her mouth muffling groans. She forgot who she was, and where she was, and literally everything except what she was doing. She might die if she stopped. She was seeing images, memories, sweaty bodies entangled with each other, sometimes two or five or more than that, a sea of everyone all together-

_Something’s going to happen_

-so full, filled with-

_something’s going to_

-so much light, all of them together, yellow and blue and-

_it’s happening_

Amethyst and Rose burst apart, falling to the floor of the cave with a panicked shout.

Rose goggled at Amethyst, lifted up on hands splayed back behind her and eyes as wide as they would go, then she threw back her head and laughed until it echoed.

“I didn’t know it would be like _that_,” she cackled, and Amethyst smiled back at her tremulously. Rose scooted over until she was sitting beside Amethyst again, and nudged her gently shoulder to shoulder. “That sure was an _experience_, wasn’t it. Are you okay?”

“Yeah!” she blustered, then “I think so. Yeah.” She bit her lip. “Is that what….is that how it usually happens?”

Rose looked sheepish, glancing to the side. “Well, no. There’s usually a bit more to it than that. But you’ll have plenty of time to figure it out and experiment, if you want to.”

A voice suddenly spoke from the entrance to the cave.

“You can’t teach me to heal, can you?”

Rose shaded her eyes, then smiled at the backlit figure.

“Hello, River. Do you want to come back inside?”

The human who’d left the gifts and had sex with Rose walked back into the cave hesitantly.

“You can’t teach me to heal, because you’re not like me. You’re not a person.”

Rose smiled gently at her.

“No,” she replied earnestly.

Two fat tears dropped from each of her eyes and down her bright brown cheeks as she walked closer to them. She was thin and birdlike, wearing a shawl around her shoulders. She reminded Amethyst of Pearl somehow, although they looked almost nothing alike. The human, River, wiped her tears with a sad smile. Then she looked into her hand.

“It’s just salt water when I do it.” Her voice was small but resonant. It had a reedy sort of strength. “But _you_ healed my legs when I would have died. You even healed my finger today when I cut it with the knife.” She looked away, face growing dark.

“But a year ago my sister’s son fell from the roof, hit his head, and he died. There was nothing I could do.”

“That’s sad,” Rose replied.

“But _you_ could have done something!” the woman yelled.

“I wasn’t there,” Rose replied, confused.

“You could help so many people!” She clutched her shawl tighter, hunched. “You could _heal_ them!”

“Who do you want me to heal?” Rose asked, puzzled. “Is someone hurt?”

River shook all over, clenching her eyes shut. Then she took a deep breath and straightened.

“No. No one is hurt.” She turned away from them. “I’m leaving now.”

River had said that no one was hurt, but when Amethyst looked at Rose’s face, she knew that wasn’t true.

“Will you come to this place again soon?” Rose asked, a thin thread of hope in her voice despite her expression.

The woman didn’t look back.

“No.”

After she left, Amethyst looked up at Rose in confusion. Rose’s face wore an unaccustomed frown, and she looked at the floor as if _it_ had done something to hurt her.

Amethyst put her hand on Rose’s back and rubbed it, wishing she knew what to say, or understood what had happened between her and the human. She wished the human would come back and say something else that would make Rose’s face stop looking like that. But then Rose finally looked at Amethyst instead of the floor, and her shadowed brow cleared.

She stood up, then turned to offer her hand to Amethyst.

“Let’s go home,” she said, and smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written around the end of 2015, part of a collection of Amethyst-centric ideas and drabbles I ended up deleting because I got tired of removing death threats from the comments. (I don’t take it personally; the fandom then had...issues.) I also took it down because I wanted to expand a few of them into longer fics, which I’m doing.  
This one I’ve always been proud of not only because I correctly called a fusion (Smoky Quartz 1.0 who also was in some of my other works from then) but because I explored three separate ideas in a relatively short piece.  
I always delighted in how flashback interactions with Rose Quartz were subtly jarring to watch, because something’s just kind of...wrong with her, in a way that it’s hard to put your finger on. Part of the reason for that is that Rose really doesn’t know what it is either, and in the end that’s why she did what she did (made Steven).  
It’s canon that Rose had always taken human lovers, and imagining what that must have been like...hoo boy. It’s also fascinating to consider how Amethyst would react to humans, especially soon after she was found.  
And lastly, the whole concept of gems fascinates me because I love how staunchly NOT human they are. They don’t have the same values, needs, or ideals, even when they think they do. I wanted to come up with a physiological reason for them to do the things they canonically have done, and ways for them to be able to. It’s something I’ve explored in some of my other more sexual works, and I don’t think I’m gonna get tired of writing weird crap anytime soon.  
Thank you so much for reading <3


End file.
